drawing with colored pencil is good for me. it helps me learn how to make mistakes work instead of incessantly fussing over them and ending up just getting stressed and frustrated. that just puts me in those moods like the one i was in when i tore up my sketchbook and threw it away.

that's not a good mood.

my art is not very good. if i compare my art from 2013 to now, even just my art from 2013 to my art from 2015, it's a ridiculously fast and massive improvement. but it's not good enough. it's not going in the direction i want it to go. i'm beginning to think it never will. it makes me incredibly sad. well, sad isn't the right word. depressed is more like it, because this feeling keeps me from working or doing anything at all.

i wish i remembered what it was like to be happy, y'know?

or at least to love myself.

that one i would really like to have again.